


Our Secret

by Winters_mistress



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-11-14 17:34:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18057002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winters_mistress/pseuds/Winters_mistress
Summary: After a dinner at the Hamiltons, Thomas Jefferson spends a quiet moment with Alexander's oldest son.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In this fic, Philip is 19. In real life (and in the musical) he was known to be a bit of a rake and certainly not just an innocent kid. Yes there is a big age difference between him and Jefferson but everything that happens here is completely consensual between two adults. Enjoy!

Thomas leaned against the railing of the balcony that was steps outside the study where Alex and James were sipping whiskey and heatedly debating something. Thomas had wandered away from the conversation a while ago, needing fresh air. He looked out at the horizon and the setting sun. A crisp, gentle breeze of autumn air caressed his cheek. He heard one of the French doors open and turned around to see who was interrupting his solitude. A slow smile crept over his face. "Philip." He dipped his head in acknowledgment.

"Oh... I'm sorry, Mr. Jefferson. I didn't know there was anyone else out here." He started to reach for the door handle.

"You don't have to go young Hamilton. It is a lovely night. I don't mind the company."

"I would have thought you came out here to be alone, sir."

Jefferson smirked. "I came out here for the same reason as you, I suspect." Philip looked like he didn't understand. Thomas narrowed his eyes. "To get away from your father's ceaseless prattle for a moment."

"Yeah..." A laugh escaped from Philip until he caught himself. "I mean, no. My father-"

"Now now, Philip. You don't have to explain. I know your father well enough."

Philip bit his lower lip and looked at the ground. Thomas sauntered over to him and tipped his chin up with his finger. "No need to inspect your feet, sir." He looked into the younger man's eyes. They were greener up close than he had noticed over dinner. He tried not to stare at them too long. "Not when we have a glorious sky above us." He put his arm loosely around Philip's shoulders and gestured flamboyantly at the heavens. "Look at how the stars are coming out to play against the darkening cosmos. They twinkle just for us while the others inside argue over the trivial matters of man."

Philip raised his eyebrows and smiled a little. Thomas talked like he was creating a painting with words. It was the opposite of his father who seemingly poured the entire dictionary into every sentence, lest his audience doubt for a moment his intellect or passion. "It's beautiful."

Jefferson shifted his gaze to Philip. "Indeed." He let his arm drop. There was much he wanted to ask the boy but he didn't wish to intimidate him. He walked back to the railing and draped himself over it. "I suppose they'll be calling us in for dessert soon."

Philip looked at him, wondering if anyone else could carry off the gold-trimmed, burgundy velvet ensemble Jefferson was wearing. Most likely no. It certainly worked on Thomas though. He realized the other man had said something. "I'm sorry what?"

Thomas smirked. "Never mind, Philip." He let his eyes travel up and down Philip's narrow frame. "You have quite an eye for style. You must get it from your mother."

"Thank you... Wait." He stopped short and Thomas laughed. Philip joined him, shaking his head. "You two really argue about everything, huh?"

"Not everything." Now it was Thomas's turn to look at the ground. "We both think you are quite an intelligent, virtuous young lad. I cannot wait to see the man you will grow up to be." 

"Sir?" Philip's voice was soft.

Thomas didn't answer, for once not quick with a pithy quip. As he began to form a reply, he was cut off by Eliza calling from inside.

"Guess our moonlit chat will have to be postponed, young Hamilton." 

Philip regarded him and gave him a small smile. "Until next time, Mister Jefferson." He nodded and ducked back inside.

Thomas narrowed his eyes and smiled. "I certainly hope so." he whispered to himself, walking slowly inside.


	2. A Surprising Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jefferson has a proposal for the Hamiltons. Alexander is NOT on board.

Alexander was hastily scribbling at his desk. He heard someone knocking and he ignored it, knowing Eliza was closer to the front door. When the knocking became more insistent, he huffed and called out to his wife. "Eliza! Someone's at the door!" Another knock, more of a banging this time, then the doorbell. "Eliza!! Philip?!" He heaved a deep sigh and placed his quill in the inkwell. "Am I the only one with ears in this household?" He stomped over to the door and yanked it open. He instantly wished it had gone unopened. "Thomas." He frowned. "What a lovely surprise."

Jefferson smirked. "You know your left eyebrow twitches when you are lying." Alex opened his mouth to protest but Jefferson cut him off. "It is okay if you are not pleased to see me Alexander. I am not here for you."

"And just what exactly would you be here for?"

"Thomas!" Hamilton's wife called from behind him. "How lovely to see you again!" Eliza scampered over and gave him a warm hug as Alex bristled. "I'm so sorry I didn't hear you ring. Philip and I were in the garden. Would you like a cup of tea? I'll go fix one for you. Here, let me get your coat." Jefferson handed her his rather audacious frock coat with a smile that Hamilton thought was reminiscent of a viper. "Have a seat in the study, sir. I'll bring in some refreshments." 

Thomas sauntered down the hallway out of view and Alex rolled his eyes. "Eliza, you don't have to do that you know. Treat him like he's royalty and we are just SO pleased to have him in our humble abode."

"I most definitely DO have to do that, darling husband. All guests in our home get treated with the utmost respect and hospitality, whether they are royalty or paupers. It is simply the proper, polite thing to do. Put your petty differences aside and remember your manners while we entertain the Vice President." She hung up Jefferson's coat and walked to the kitchen. 

"Our differences are certainly NOT petty." Alexander mumbled and walked slowly to the study.

Philip was already inside, sitting beside Thomas who was very animatedly talking about something or other. Alex slumped into an oversized chair near the fireplace. "You know more than half of what Mr. Jefferson says is untrue."

Philip looked over at his father then back at their guest questioningly. Thomas did not seem bothered. "Your father views all opinions not shared by him to be lies." Alex opened his mouth to protest but Jefferson cut him off for the second time. "It is not his fault. He has not traveled the world like I have. It causes him to be a bit more closed-minded."

"Oh please- like baudy nights in Paris make you some sort of high-minded-"

"Gentlemen!" Eliza stopped her husband from continuing. She set the tea tray down on the small table in front of the sofa and handed out small cups and saucers. She then presented their guest with a small plate of pastries.

Thomas's eyes lit up. "Meringues! My favorite!"

Eliza seemed pleased. "Yes, I heard they have been a staple in your home since you brought the recipe back from France. I've been trying my hand at them for when you come visit."

"You are an angel, Mrs. Hamilton." He smiled warmly at her. She grinned and offered the plate to her husband. Alex, wondering why his wife had taken a sudden interest in the goings-on at Monticello, took a molasses-infused delicacy covered in powdered sugar while Philip grabbed a honey-jumble cookie.

While sipping his tea, the older Hamilton glared at his foe who was obnoxiously humming his delight at the dessert. As Thomas made quite the show of licking his fingers, Alex couldn’t hold his tongue any longer. “Why are you here, Jefferson?”

“AH!” Thomas turned toward him. “I am so glad you asked! My business here is actually regarding your brilliant son here.”

“Me?” Philip’s eyes were wide.

“Indeed.” He smiled at the young man.

“What do you want with Philip?” Alexander dabbed at the corners of his mouth with a linen napkin.

“I wanted to offer him an internship.”

“Really?” Philip’s face brightened.

“No.” Alex’s voice was low.

“Alexander… don’t be so hasty.” Eliza smiled softly. “A position in the office of the Vice President. That could be a wonderful opportunity.”

“This is what I was thinking.” Jefferson agreed. “Are you interested in politics, Philip?”

"He has been studying law. He is to become a lawyer like his father.” Hamilton said sharply.

“Isn’t the law also what you studied?” Thomas asked.

“Yes.” Alex said tersely.

“And yet you served in the Washington administration for almost five years?”

Alexander clenched his jaw.

“I am interested in politics. I’d love to someday hold office and try to shape this nation like my father did.”

“Wonderful, I thought that might be the case.” Thomas grinned. “And since Alex is no longer involved in the business of running this country...”

“I said no.”

All three of them looked at Alexander.

“Pop.” Philip looked disappointed. 

Alex hated to see him down but no way would he send his son into that snake pit. “I’m sorry, son. I just don’t think-“

“You really are going to let your pride get in the way of Philip’s future?” Eliza tried to keep her tone measured but her husband sensed her irritation.

“Eliza… if Philip really is interested in government then I have plenty of… friends… in the capital who will gladly let him be on their staff.”

“None of your friends are the Vice President.”

Thomas could barely hide his mirth. “She has a point, Alexander.”

Hamilton sat back and attempted to not sulk. “You really think your life would be improved by spending time each day with this man, Philip?”

“I think…" Philip tried to be very careful with his words. "I could probably learn plenty of things that aren't taught in school.”

Eliza looked at her husband hopefully.

“Fine.” Alexander nearly spit the word out. “But if I so much as sense your influence on my son, he will never be allowed in your offices again.”

“Fair enough.” Thomas set his teacup on the small table and stood up. “Monday morning, Philip. 7 a.m. sharp.”

“I’ll be there.” The younger Hamilton sprang to his feet. “Thank you, sir.”

Eliza strode into the hallway to fetch their guest’s coat and Jefferson turned to Alexander. “I appreciate you finally seeing the opportunity I may provide for Philip.”

Alex got up and tugged on his waistcoat to straighten it. “I don’t like it one bit. But I will also not punish my son for our years of disagreements. Do well by him, Thomas.”

Jefferson smiled wide and gave Alex a dramatic bow. “But of course. Good day, Hamiltons.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philip's first day working for Jefferson proves interesting.

Jefferson clapped a hand on Philip’s shoulder as they watched the last of the senators leave his opulent office. “Not bad for a first day, eh?”

Philip looked up at him. “You’re busy almost every minute of the day! You were even writing something while you let me eat some lunch.”

“Just the beginnings of a draft of a small piece of legislation. Nothing too important.”

“My dad always said you were lazy and pompous. But, you work as hard he does.”

“Well… perhaps your father lets our political disagreements affect his personal feelings towards me. I don’t blame him. He is very passionate. He cannot separate one’s views from who they are. It is how he sees himself. He IS his work. His accomplishments are the only lasting thing. At least, that is what he believes. But I wager there are less tangible things that carry weight. How you affect others, the change you can instill on those you love.”

“But that stuff doesn’t get you statues or streets named after you.”

“I am more concerned with liberty of my fellow citizens than the roads they walk on.” He felt the beginnings of a diatribe bubbling up but decided against it. “But all that discussion is best left for a day where we haven’t worked ten hours.” He smiled and walked over to the large mahogany cabinet that dominated a corner of his office. “May I pour you a glass of cognac to celebrate your first day?”

“Sure.”

“Good…but be careful. This stuff is strong.” He handed Philip a crystal tumbler filled with the honey-colored liquid. “Lafayette introduced me to this when we were in Paris together.”

“Lafayette? My father talks about him all the time!” Philip took a small sip and tried not to wince when his throat burned.

“Yes. An incredible man. I fear America may not have won their independence without him.” Jefferson opened up the top drawer of his desk and rifled through some of the papers. “Would you like to see something?” Philip came over behind him. Thomas placed a piece of parchment on the desk. “Here. A letter I received from the Marquis a few years ago.”

Philip poured over it and then looked at Jefferson wide-eyed when he saw where the missive had come from. “Wait… he was imprisoned?”

“Regrettably so. Without direct support and aid from America, the revolution in France did not go entirely as Lafayette had foreseen. He was rounded up along with other members of the nobility and placed in jail.”

“What? Did father know?”

Thomas shrugged. “Your father is always busy. Apparently too busy to concern himself with former comrades.”

Philip’s eyebrows knitted in consternation. He leaned over to get a closer look at the letter and coincidentally pressed his body against the older man’s shoulder. He let a moment pass before pushing himself harder. Jefferson closed his eyes for a moment before speaking softly.

“Philip. What are you doing?”

“Trying to get a better look.”

Thomas smirked. “At what?”

“The letter.”

“Mmhmm.”

Thomas had no idea how close Philip was to his face until the younger man whispered and his breath was warm against his ear. “You don’t believe me?”

Jefferson turned to look at him and their faces seemed merely an inch apart. Thomas spoke softly. “Philip, why did you come here?”

The younger man smiled at him challengingly. “Why did you invite me?”

Thomas clenched his jaw and swallowed hard. “You intrigue me. You have since the night we spoke on the balcony of your parents’ house.”

Philip bit his lower lip and looked down, his long, dark lashes fanning against his cheek. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since that night. I thought it was just me and I tried to forget about it and then you showed up again and—”

Thomas reached out and took the young man’s hand in his own. He let a moment pass with nothing spoken between them then brushed his thumb across Philip’s knuckles. “I have contacts at your school. I inquired about you. It seems you are a remarkable student. One of the smartest in your class.” Philip beamed. “And also… a reputation for being a bit of a rake.”

The younger man shrugged. “If girls are willing… who am I to say no?”

“Just girls?” The words tumbled out before Thomas could stop himself.

“Mostly.” Philip responded. Thomas arched an eyebrow and Philip playfully smacked his shoulder. “I’m not a complete libertine.” He tried to defend himself. “I’m just saying you wouldn’t be my first.”

Thomas tried to sort through the jumble of feelings that presented themselves. Clear thoughts were proving difficult though. The young Hamilton was maddeningly distracting. How could he be expected to compose himself when those eyes of jade green stared back at him? When those full lips curled into a suggestive smile? When those dark ringlets of hair fell across perfect cheekbones and freckled forehead?

“You really are quite brazen, you know. This behavior is simply audacious. Here. With me. A man you hardly know. And on your very first day.” Philip gave him a sly smirk and shrugged. Jefferson shook his head and chuckled lightly. “Cocky, confounding, and contumelious. You really are a Hamilton.”

Philip leaned closer to him, lips almost touching the older man’s. “Isn’t that part of the thrill?”

Thomas took a deep breath. He was unsure if he ever felt this close to fainting before. When he finally was able to speak again, he made sure his gaze was steady. “Whatever happens, Philip… discretion must be of the utmost importance.”

“Of course.” Philip took the hand that was resting on his own and interlaced their fingers. “Have you forgotten my upbringing? From my earliest days I have been reminded of the importance of one’s reputation.”

Jefferson brought Philip’s hand up to his lips and placed a quick kiss to it. “I still expect you to work, you know. You will receive no special treatment while others are around.” Philip nodded his understanding. Thomas knew if he didn’t send the young man away now, he would do something regrettable. “Well, that will be all for today, Philip. Best not to invite suspicion… yet.”

Philip nodded his agreement but took his time disentangling himself from his mentor. “See you tomorrow?”

“Bright and early.”

Thomas watched as Philip gathered his belongings and walked out of his office. He sank into his desk chair and finished the rest of his cognac with one gulp.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philip and Thomas finally get the time alone they have been craving.

Philip watched as the last of the others left.  He sprang out of his chair and locked the door.  He turned around and saw Jefferson looking out one of the large windows, admiring the fading light of dusk.

Philip came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Thomas’s waist and let them glide slowly up the other man’s chest. His long fingers flexed over the silk-covered skin and he tilted his head up to whisper in his ear. “Finally. I thought they would never leave.”

Thomas took one of Philip’s hands in his own and brought it to his lips, placing a soft kiss to his wrist. “You must learn patience, Philip.  The anticipation makes everything so much sweeter.”

“Are you kidding?” Philip snorted out.  “I’ve spent the last hour in agony, watching the clock and trying to hide my arousal.”

Jefferson turned around with a smirk.  “Is that so little Hamilton?”  His fingers skimmed down Philip’s shirt and rested on the waistband of his breeches.

Philip took his hand and, without breaking his gaze on Thomas guided it lower. “Not so little.” He purred. 

Thomas couldn’t stop the soft moan the spilled from his lips. “You locked the door?”  Philip nodded.  “Good.”  He loosened the cravat around his neck and tossed it to the side. He started to unbutton his shirt then drew the curtains closed.  Philip shirked off his waistcoat and yanked his shirt over his head. Thomas inhaled sharply at the perfection that was suddenly revealed to him. The younger man had to the audacity to chuckle at his reaction and Thomas was swiftly in front of him.  He placed the tips of his fingers over Philip’s mouth. “You’ll have to be quiet, you know.”

Philip kissed the digits pressed against his mouth. “I know.” He replied, seemingly unconcerned.

“I daresay it won’t be easy.  Not with you teasing me all damn day.”

Philip feigned innocence. “What do you mean?  All I did today was try to learn all I could about you.  From you, I mean. So much lovely governing.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Jefferson pretended not to be amused. “And how many times did you pretend to drop something and slowly pick it up?”

“Oh, I’m very clumsy.” His eyes glittered. “My apologies if it flustered you.”

“Flustered me? I damn near had to cancel my meeting with Secretary Pickering just so I could have time to… compose myself.”

Philip’s smile grew wider. “Well now we are finally alone together.  You can release that pent-up libido and have your way with me.” He draped his arms around Thomas’s neck and pressed himself wantonly against the other man’s frame.

Thomas narrowed his eyes. “You are entirely too forward. One would almost be tempted to question your upbringing.”

“And you are entirely too verbose.” Philip’s thumbs stroked Thomas’s jawline. “I didn’t squirm through hours of meetings and policy discussions just to engage in verbal discourse.”

Jefferson bit down on his tongue. He feared he had underestimated his intern.  Why had he been so foolish to imagine himself as the one wielding control? The lad was dangerously close to making him stutter, his thoughts all scattered in a haze of lust and this endless, aching need to taste and touch every inch presented to him.

And so he did; taking a step back, he slowly undid the rest of his buttons and let his shirt fall to the floor. He unfastened his pants and they pooled around his ankles.  He dropped to his knees and relieved Philip of the rest of his garments as well.  He placed a trail of kisses up the younger man’s stomach and all the way to his shoulders. He scraped his teeth gently over Philip’s throat and let his tongue caress the soft spot under his ear.  Philip whimpered and Thomas was quick to cover his mouth with his hand. “Must stay quiet.” He peered into the other man’s eyes and his gaze reflected a deep, fiery longing that made Philip shudder.

His hand reached for Philip’s and he led him to his enormous office chair. As he sank into the plush cushion, Philip straddled his lap.  He reached into the top drawer of his desk and grabbed the bottle of oil he had purchased special for this occasion. He coated his hand and both of their cocks with a sharp hiss as he tried to remain silent.

He took his time and made sure his lover was ready and comfortable before sinking his length deep inside. Philip opened his mouth as if to cry out and Thomas shushed him preemptively. To be honest, he was having a hard time not making any noise as well; every thrust brought a new wave of pleasure that in a more private setting would have him bellowing out profanities.

Philip rolled his hips slowly, gripping him tight, as Thomas stroked him expertly. His long fingers teased lightly and he swiped his thumb over the already slick tip then stiffened his hand and stroked faster.

He attempted to last as long as he could but after hours of torment and stolen glances he soon had to admit defeat and let his ecstasy wash over him.  He pressed his forehead into Philip’s flesh, hoping his soft skin would muffle his cries of libidinous euphoria. He stayed there and tried to catch his breath.

It was Philip’s own hands that lightly came to rest on Thomas’s cheeks, lifting the older man’s face to look at him. He was smiling softly and Thomas thought he had never seen a more beautiful creature in his entire life.

Satiated in a way that he hadn’t been in years, Jefferson sat back and let his eyes flutter closed as Philip placed soft kisses on his neck and collarbone.

He tangled his fingers in his lover’s dark curls. “Oh Philip,” he breathed out. “You are a prince among gargoyles.”

Philip laughed softly, not out of derision, only affection. “Surely your post-coital bliss is exaggerating my physical attributes.”

“No, my love.” Thomas forced his head up to meet his stare. “I have been bewitched by your beauty for some time now.” Philip shook his head as if he disagreed and Thomas felt a pang in his chest.  He stared at him and his voice was tender, “You doubt the veracity of this?”

Philip looked up at him from under his long, dark lashes and Thomas didn’t wait for a response.  He gripped him by his waist and sat him on his desk. He trailed light kisses up his thigh and when his lips finally caressed Philip’s erection, it elicited a loud, long moan.  “Shhh…” Thomas hissed at him. “If you can’t remain silent, then I’m afraid I’ll be forced to stop.”  He neglected to mention he had absolutely no intention of letting Philip leave his office without tasting all of him.

His swirled his tongue around the base before closing his mouth around him, massaging him with his lips and lapping at his hardened prick.  His tongue darted at the slit, savoring the arousal that had already started to leak out. He tightened his mouth around the tip, bobbing his head up and down his shaft as Philip’s hands knotted in Thomas’s hair, pulling and tugging as he struggled to not cry out his release.

His hips lifted off the desk and he grunted through gritted teeth as he succumbed to the rapturous gratification and erupted between Thomas’s expert lips.  He shook and collapsed in the other man’s arms, resting his head on his shoulder.

After a few moments, Thomas spoke softly. “We should probably get dressed now.”

“I suppose.” Was Philips’s weary response.

“Before you leave, I’d like to go over some rules.” The other man didn’t say anything, so he continued, “Everything between us must be contained here in these offices.  You are never to come to my home unless I have invited your entire family.  You mustn’t show up unannounced or on any days other than workdays.  It must always look like you are here strictly for work.”

Philip had crawled back onto Thomas’s lap and was nipping at his throat.  “You mean I can’t tell everyone that you’re my boyfriend now?” He teased.

“No.” Thomas grimaced. He gently combed his long fingers through Philip’s hair.  His eyebrows lifted and a wistful expression spread over his face.  “Though I wish you could.  I wish I could take you out to fancy dinners and out riding in the countryside.  I wish I could spoil you and mostly... I wish I could share my bed with you.  Spend hours teasing and pleasuring you.  An entire night of just you and I.”

“That sounds nice.” Philip’s eyes were half-lidded as he gazed into the dark eyes of the other man.

Thomas impulsively kissed him again. “I know the arrangements aren’t ideal but you have to understand there are many who would love to see my downfall and-“

“You mean my father?” Philip smirked.

“Well, Alexander and I have our political disagreements, but I don’t think he is plotting my demise or hates me or anything.”

“Oh no.” Philip chuckled against Thomas’s chest.  “He definitely… well, nevermind.”

Jefferson smiled and stroked his hair. “Yes, let’s not discuss him further. I wasn’t even referring to him specifically.  There are always rumors swirling around about me. I never remarried after my wife died and that was… hmm, almost twenty years ago.  I have to be discreet about certain carnal appetites, wouldn't want to start all the gossips' tongues wagging.”

Philip placed a warm kiss on Thomas’s throat.  “I like your tongue wagging.”

The older man placed his hands on either side of Philip’s face and tilted his head up to look at him.  Thomas’s eyes were half-lidded and he absentmindedly licked his lips.  “You…” he drawled out, “are a very salacious young man.”

As if to prove his point, Philip ground his hips on Thomas’s lap, reigniting the desire that had momentarily subsided after their climax.  Thomas moved his long fingers to Philip’s thighs and squeezed hard.  “It is long after nightfall, kitten.  Surely they will be missing you at dinner.”

Philip shrugged.  “It wouldn’t be the first time I got home after everyone went to bed.”

“Yes, but it would the first time you would be late after spending all day with me.”

Philip relented grudgingly but not before placing another searing, bruising kiss on Thomas’s lips.  He disentangled his limbs and slowly got dressed, knowing he was the focus of his instructor’s lustful gaze.  He opened the office door and waved goodbye.  “See you tomorrow, Mr. Jefferson.”

“Adieu, Philip.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas eagerly anticipates Philips's arrival. He is, at first, disappointed.

Thomas stood in front of the enormous mirror that hung above the fireplace in his office. He fixed his collar, pulled the lace cuffs of his shirt out from the sleeves of his frock coat, and caressed his hair until it was just so. He sighed, finally satisfied with his appearance and waited. His assistant entered and told him his intern had arrived. “Excellent.” Jefferson grinned. He sat behind his desk and watched the door. Philip entered and Thomas stood up. “Good morning little Ham-“ He stopped short and his smile quickly faded.

His Philip was not alone.

“Alexander.” The word was spoken with utmost disappointment. He cleared his throat and forced himself to appear civil. “To what do I owe such an honor?”

“You can eschew etiquette, Jefferson. I’m not here for pleasantries. Merely to observe. Make sure my son is not… wasting his time.” 

“Of course.” They looked at each other and Jefferson spoke first. He looked through a pile of papers and found what he was looking for. “Well, since you are here, perhaps you can proofread something for me. I was up late last night drafting this and would like another pair of eyes. If you wouldn’t mind, of course.”

The older Hamilton smirked. “Certainly. It would give me no greater pleasure than to point out all your mistakes.”

Jefferson forced a smile and handed him the folder full of parchment. “Now, if you will excuse me, I want to review my appointments with my secretary.” He waited until Alex was situated at a side table with his spectacles firmly resting on the bridge of his nose, quill ready to notate any and all errors. He gave Philip a look and nodded his head towards the door. The younger man followed him into the hallway and Thomas walked until he thought they were out of earshot of his old nemesis. He turned to him; his annoyance thinly veiled. “A bit of warning would have been nice.”

“I didn’t know he was going to come until this morning, I swear. I tried to tell him his presence wasn’t necessary but--I’m sorry. He insisted. You know how he gets.”

Thomas huffed but Philip was right. “Indeed, I do.”

“Are you angry?” Philip looked up at him.

Thomas cursed his sentimental heart that seemed to melt every time he stared into Philip’s shimmering gaze. “Of course not, love.” He whispered.

Philip smiled and Thomas thought it was surely brighter than the sun itself. “Good.” Was the lad’s maddeningly simple reply. Philip hazarded a step closer, their bodies far too close to one another. “I wouldn’t want you to be upset with me.” He took another, dangerous step closer and Thomas felt the hairs on his neck stand up in response to the warm breath caressing the small bit of exposed flesh above his collar.

“Damn it all, Philip. I swear you’ll be the death of me.”

Philip smiled wickedly as he pulled away to stare into Thomas’s libidinous gaze. “Then what a sweet end you shall have.” He turned and headed back to his father as Thomas watched him go.

“Mr. Vice President.” His aide had somehow walked up beside him without Jefferson realizing and he nearly leapt out of skin.

“Good god, Jonathan you startled me.”

“Sorry sir. I only meant to inquire if you would like a special lunch prepared for former secretary Hamilton.”

“Yes. Something ostentatious. Finest silver. French china. All of that.” Jonathan nodded and Jefferson started walking back to his office, mumbling under his breath. “Damned inconsiderate of him to show up without notice.”

“Oh. He sent a letter yesterday saying he would be paying you a visit, sir.” 

Jefferson turned around quickly to face him. “He did what now?”

“He said not to tell you; that he wanted to surprise an old friend.” Jefferson frowned. “Sorry if that was wrong- his message made it sound like you would be pleased to see him.”

“There are a few Hamiltons I would love to see.” Jefferson said drily. “Alexander is not one of them.” His young assistant looked mortified. “But don’t let that trouble you. Set up the most magnificent lunch I’ve ever given. We will eat promptly at noon.” The young man nodded and hurried off.

When Thomas got back to his office, Alex was scratching his quill loudly over the paper. “Have you any sheets of blank parchment?” The elder Hamilton asked.

“There should be plenty in the bottom desk drawer, why?”

“I have so many corrections, Thomas, that I have run out of room in the margins of this… draft you have given to me.”

Jefferson pursed his lips. He looked over at Philip who made no attempt to hide his delight in the pettiness between his father and his mentor. Thomas huffed. He would deal that impudence later. “If this is frustrating you, Alex, I can hand it over to my secretary.”

“Oh no, I wouldn’t dream of it. Not when you so obviously need my help.” Jefferson bit the inside of his cheek and sorted through approximately 3,000 comebacks before deciding it was best to not engage. It wouldn’t get him anywhere and if he angered Alex enough there was a chance he would forbid Philip from ever setting foot in these offices again. He sank into his chair and sighed. How exactly did the second most influential person in the nation have the least amount of power in his own office? He rested his hand on his chin and he let his gaze wander to the young man reclining on one of the velvet chairs by the hearth. Philip was staring back at him and Thomas was reminded why he was suddenly rendered so assailable. In truth, his weakness began on that first night, now months ago. One look into those emerald eyes reflecting the setting sun and a darkening sky and Thomas would surrender anything for him.  
“Ah!” Alexander interrupted his reverie. “Well that should do it!”

Jefferson looked over at him. “You’re done?”

“Yes.” Alex said with a grin. “With page one.”

Jefferson closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. This was going to be a long day.  
***************************************  
The following day Thomas had to force himself to concentrate. As the minutes ticked by, he found himself growing more and more restless for the workday to be over and to be in the embrace of the man who was perched provocatively on the corner of his desk. His urgent need was no surprise, of course. The absolute frustration of yesterday, of being in Philip’s company for hours with no release on account of Alexander being there. And beyond the repressed desire of the day before, there also had been the fire that roared in the corner all day today. December had brought a distinct bite to the air and a consistently warm hearth was imperative. The flipside of that, however, was his offices were sometimes impossibly hot and most of his visitors quickly shed their coats. Philip, of course, was no exception and soon had also removed his cravat, rolled up his sleeves, and even tied back his hair. Without the luxury of a comb though, it was a messy ponytail with errant curls spilling over his forehead and flushed cheeks. Good god, how Thomas wished he could tuck one of those tendrils behind Philip’s ear. To indulge in the luxury of caressing that soft skin for just a second. But no. There was much to do. And propriety to think about. 

Before the clock had even begun to chime five o’clock, Thomas politely rushed the last senator out of his office and locked the door with a click. Philip was pressed against him in an instant, somehow already without his waistcoat, his shirt cast aside as well. Thomas hurriedly joined him and before long had started unfastening his pants.  
This had been their pattern for weeks now. Suppressing the deep longing for hours, exchanging furtive looks, circling like tigers waiting to pounce until they were finally alone.  
Philip would always try to make Thomas break their vow of silence. Biting, sucking, teasing, hoping for a groan or a cry or even a scream of pleasure. Sometimes he was successful, but his victories always came with a cost. Thomas freezing up, stiffening and holding his breath, remaining motionless while he waited for any sign that someone else had heard. It was not until he was convinced that they could continue undiscovered that he would relax, let himself once again enjoy and succumb to Philip’s seduction. 

Tonight, though, his lover had a new tactic. “You have had close to two days of torment, love.” He murmured under Thomas’s chin. He took the older man’s face in his hands and kissed each cheek. “Close your eyes.” He whispered against his mouth. “Trust me to satisfy every inch of you.” He led Thomas to a chair and made him sit back and relax. He kissed him hungrily and Thomas was more than happy to return his ardent affections. He made his lover whimper when he pulled away, not content to just plunder the depths of Thomas’s mouth but needing more.  
He kissed under his ear, down his throat, and suckled on the tender skin above his collarbone. His lips traveled farther down, marking a trail down his chest until he got to the spot where Thomas’s breeches had been hastily pulled open and his erection waited, thick and throbbing and desperate for Philip’s touch.  
Philip was just as eager to indulge in his primal urges and soon Thomas could feel him licking and nibbling up and down his cock. He bit his lower lip, trying to stifle any sound but it was nearly impossible with the way his lover knew exactly what drove him crazy.  
As Philip’s lips grew hard and tight, encouraging him ever closer to the brink, Thomas couldn’t help but let his eyes flutter open for a moment. He looked down and saw the younger man stroking himself in time with the bobbing of his head. His hands threaded through dark curls, he pulled on them reflexively as an urgent moan passed his lips.  
To his regret, Philip pulled away. He looked up and pretended to scold him. “I told you not to look.” Thomas gave him a weak smile. His prick was aching for attention, but Philip stood up and reached for his hand. “Keep them closed.” He admonished him and led him a few steps away. Thomas complied and after what sounded like papers being rustled and moved around, Philip took his other hand and placed them both on his thighs. “Ok… open.” Thomas was happy to comply and saw Philip sitting on his desk staring up at him hungrily.

“My desk?” Thomas asked. “But that is quite indecent, even for me.” Philip’s only answer was to reach for Thomas’s neck and pull him down for another fierce, forbidden kiss. “Damn you.” Thomas moaned. He pulled away and, with one sweep of his arm, pushed all his parchment off the polished wood and crashing onto the floor. 

Philip laughed softly. “That was not so quiet.” 

“No time for quiet.” Thomas breathed out and hooked his hands under Philip’s knees. He pulled them up and forward, so his lover was balanced on the edge of his desk. He positioned himself and despite his intense fervor, slowly pushed himself inside. “My god…” he gasped. His long fingers curled and dug into soft flesh. Philip, reclining on his elbows, responded by arching his back, his hips snaking forward, desperate for more. Thomas was more than happy to comply, slowly pulling out then plunging back in as Philip pursed his lips together to quiet his whimpers of pleasure. Thomas grasped his partner’s erection and gently tugged on it to the same rhythm of his thrusts. Philip’s head fell back and despite all his efforts a desperate moan filled the office. The feeling of him clenching tightly around his cock coupled with his lover’s exposed neck, his mouth open, threatened to push Thomas over the edge. He trailed his fingertips lightly over Philip’s stomach and over his chest, now glistening with a faint sheen of sweat. His hand curled around his throat and Philip raised his head to look at him.

Thomas let his hand fall and wrapped his arm around Philip’s narrow waist. Philip wreathed his arms around Thomas’s shoulders and pressed their foreheads together. “I’m so close, love.” He whispered and Thomas nodded. “Cum with me…” The older man’s nostrils flared and he sped up his hips. By now they were both breathing heavy, skin searing with ecstasy, and occasionally brushed their lips together.

Philip gasped and his whole body tightened and tensed up while Thomas’s fist around his prick encouraged him to finish. “Fuck…” the younger man whimpered and succumbed to the sensations washing over his flesh. He shuddered and collapsed into his lover’s embrace and Thomas held him close against his chest. Thomas winced, his fingers digging hard in Philip’s skin and released deep inside him. He pressed soft kisses in his hair as they waited for their hearts to resume a normal rhythm. When his limbs stopped shaking, he cleaned the sticky evidence of Philip’s pleasure from their stomachs. He pulled away and gazed drowsily at the object of his affection. Oh, how he adored the way his green eyes were still blazing with desire. The way his cheeks were the most delicious shade of pink, warm and flushed after his orgasm.

It was then that he noticed his bottle of ink had been knocked over and the spill had run all the way across the desk and under Philip. He looked down and saw it was covering his back and had stained his fingers. “Oh darling, it’s all over you.”

Philip shrugged gave Thomas another kiss. “Guess I’ll have to spend extra time in the bath tonight. Scrubbing all traces of you from me.”

“Please don’t make me picture you bathing, love. I’ll never let you leave.”

“And?” Philip teased. “I wouldn’t mind.”

Thomas gave him a small smile. “You know that’s impossible.”

Philip nodded. “I know.” Thomas looked down at him. He wished like hell things could be different. Wanted to wake up next to him every day. This perfect, beautiful person who for some reason also desired him. Who looked at him with longing that mirrored his own. How could he be so blessed and yet so cursed at the same time?

“Philip-“, There were three very dangerous words that were horrifyingly close to being uttered.

“Yes?” He looked up at him and his soft expression almost made Thomas believed he felt the same way.

“I will miss you this weekend.”

“Likewise.”

The flowery phrases he longed to say begged to be spoken but were denied. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

Philip smiled and gave him a gentle kiss before dressing, leaving, and taking all the light and goodness with him. Thomas sat on the chair closest to the fire and looked at the door. “He leaves and my heart goes with him.” He whispered to himself. “Damn.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a quiet night alone with Thomas, Philip grows more worried.

“Thomas?”

“Yes, love?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Hmm?”

“You’ve been quiet all day. That’s not like you.” Philip was propped up on his elbow laying next to the other man on the tangle of blankets by the hearth. He coiled a finger around one of Thomas’s tight curls.

Thomas’s arm was draped loosely around his waist. “I have a lot on my mind is all.” The stress of today, and the decision that weighed heavy on his mind seemed to disappear while he sat in the thrall of his love.

“I hate to see you look so vexed. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Thomas leaned his cheek into Philip’s hand. “I’m afraid not, my prince. There are political matters that are proving to be horrifically confounding.”

Philip kissed him gently, letting his lips linger on Thomas’s for a moment. “Sounds very trying.”

Thomas mumbled his agreement against his mouth. “Indeed.” He pulled away slightly. “This country… it is still so young and fragile. I am worried. If things go even the slightest bit awry, this whole experiment could fail.  And not everyone governing is… up to the challenge I fear.” He looked at the other man. “You know you are the only person I can tell these things too.”

Philip lightly ran his fingers over Thomas’s forehead. “Yeah?” He flushed slightly. “I like that. That there are things only I know about you.” He kissed him tenderly once more. “And I’m sure you’ll come up with something brilliant.”

Thomas took his fingers in his own and pressed tiny kisses to each of them. “I wish I had your confidence.”

“One of the perks of being young and dumb.” Philip grinned.

Thomas cradled Philip’s face in his hands and gazed into his eyes. “Young, yes. But dumb? Never.”

“Not as smart as you though.”

A smile snaked across Thomas’s face. “Well, I have many more years of experience, young Hamilton, that is all. But with your innate intelligence and boundless curiosity you will surely grow into one of the greatest minds the world has ever known.”

Philip shook his head. “I don’t know about that.”

“I do.”

A wicked smile spread over his face. “You know who you sound like.”

“Don’t.”

“You sound like my father.”

Thomas scoffed and his rolled his eyes. “Well I suppose there is a first time for everything.”

Philip chuckled lightly then grew a bit more serious. “I wish you two got along.”

“Honestly, so do I. I think if Alexander ever shut up for more than five minutes, we could have been good friends.”

“But—”

“But… we are not.”

Philip sighed and laid down again on the blankets. When his lover joined him, and gathered him in his arms, he rested his head against Thomas’s chest. He swirled his fingers through the other man’s chest hair as Thomas caressed his back.

They had started to do this more often. They would set up a makeshift bed by the fireplace in Thomas’s office. Blankets stowed away in cabinets until they were brought out when everyone else went home at night. Cushions from the sofa cradling their heads. It was very cozy, not all that comfortable, and entirely too risky. It had been Philip’s idea, but Thomas reluctantly relented. He had to admit it was getting harder and harder to say good bye to Philip at the end of the day. They would move a chair in front of the door but that would only bide them time if an unwanted visitor arrived. Just long enough to dress but not long enough that they wouldn’t be found out. It was sweet but careless and ultimately, just another example of the unspoken futility of their affair.

The fire crackled and snapped in front of them and it was quickly becoming the only source of light as the candles began burning down to their nubs. They laid in silence like that for a long time, enjoying the warmth and quiet and the touch of each other’s skin.

Philip’s voice was barely more than a whisper when he finally spoke. “Thomas?”

“Mmm?”

“Can we just stay here tonight?”

Thomas smiled despite the tug on his heart. “I don’t think so. Surely you will be missed at home.”

Philip shrugged. “It’s not like it would be the first time I’ve been out all night.”

Thomas figured that was probably true. “And what about when we both spend tomorrow in the same clothes we wore today?”

“Well…” Philip thought. “Damn.” He sounded defeated. “I suppose you’re right.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy another hour or so.” He replied and his answer seemed to please Philip. “Can I confess something else to you?”

“Of course.”

“In all my fantasies about you, the one I have the most is you falling asleep in my arms.”

Philip chuckled. “Well of course it is. We’ve done everything else.” He teased.

Thomas returned his smile, but it felt hollow. “Yes, I suppose that’s it.”

Philip sunk back into his embrace and rested his hand on Thomas’s chest. The older man wrapped his arms tighter around his lover and waited until he heard Philip’s breath grow deep and even before succumbing to sleep as well.

After about an hour, Philip’s eyes fluttered open. The fire in front of them had died down considerably and only a steady orange glow and occasional pop of a spark gave any indication it was still lit at all. In that dim light, he looked up. Thomas was fast asleep. His lips slightly parted, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, snoring softly. He looked peaceful. Philip frowned. It had been so long since he had seen him actually calm, not carrying the weight of an entire country on his shoulders. He didn’t remember exactly when it had started but the past few weeks Thomas had this constant worry on his face. A faraway look and seemingly always distracted by… something. He would never tell Philip, even when asked. Just wave his hand dismissively and mumble something about “the heavy burdens of this political life.”

He sat up quietly and caressed Thomas’s face once more, wishing he could brush away all traces of anguish permanently. He stood up and pulled the blanket protectively over his lover’s slumbering form and got dressed. He bent down and placed a soft kiss to his forehead.

“Good night, my love.” He whispered and quietly slipped into the night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Philip finally go out in public. It goes worse than Thomas feared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning this chapter contains angst and also the inevitable end which should come as no surprise to those who have seen the show.

Philip walked up the stairs that led to Jefferson’s building.  He was feeling even more prurient than usual and he had to admit some of that was on account of his own appearance. He was wearing a new jacket that he had custom made for himself. It was silvery blue, almost lilac in a certain light. He thought it was quite fetching and he was eager to show it off. His father had glowered at him when he came downstairs for breakfast, and a small, dark part of Philip loved it even more so because of his Alexander’s disapproval.

He walked into Thomas’s office and the older man almost tripped from trying to stand up too quickly.

“My god Philip! You are a vision! That coat is exquisite!”

The young Hamilton smirked. “You think so? My father hates it.”

Jefferson mirrored his half-smile. “Well, the less we say about Alexander’s taste the better, no?”

Philip chuckled and gently shut the door and locked it before strolling behind Thomas’s desk and pressing a small kiss to his lips. “I wanted to look extra nice for you today.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.” Philip gave him that big, beaming smile that seemed to radiate straight to Thomas’s soul. “You said you had something special planned for me.”

“I do.” Thomas’s voice didn’t have the cheerful cadence it usually did when speaking to Philip. “But first, we must get through a rather busy schedule.”

The younger man gave him a dutiful nod and started getting the papers on Jefferson’s desk in order for their morning meeting.

They had a quick lunch and after two more meetings and a heated debate with Secretary Wolcott, Jefferson declared them done for the day.

“Already?” Philip was suspicious.

“Yes. Would you like to join me for dinner?”

“Dinner? Out?”

“Yes, at the Yorkshire Hotel.”

“That’s… the most extravagant place in the city.”

Thomas nodded. “Yes, well, I want to do something special for you. Lovely ambiance, the fanciest food, finest wine, all that.”

“So… like a date?”

“No.” Thomas gently chided him. “You know as well as I do, we mustn’t ever refer to it as a date.” Philip looked at him skeptically. “I am merely showing you my appreciation for the all the hard work and help you have provided while interning in my office.”

“At a place dripping with elegance and prestige?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“So… like… a date.”

Thomas grinned and scrunched up his nose. “Yeah, like a date.”

Philip giggled and kissed him quickly. “Well, then what are we waiting for?”

They strolled out of the office and to the small desk in the antechamber where Jefferson’s assistant sat. “Jonathan, Philip and I are going to get something to eat. Finish up and lock the doors. I shall see you on Monday.”

As they exited and made their way into Thomas’s carriage, they sat opposite each other and Thomas did his best to look out the window. Philip was having none of it. He stared at the other man, eyeing him up and down with a smirk.

“Stop.” Thomas whispered without glancing over.

“Stop what?”

The older man turned to him. “Stop looking at me like you’re about to pounce.”

“I wouldn’t dare. I was merely undressing you with my eyes.”

Thomas tried his best to look vexed. “You’re going to make this journey unbearable, aren’t you?”

“We don’t have to go all the way across town, you know. I’m sure we could get up to all sorts of debauchery right here in this coach.”

“No.”

Philip huffed and sat back.

Thomas let out an exasperated sigh. “Good Lord, Philip. Sometimes I forget your age and the insatiable, incorrigible desires that are coursing through your veins.”

Philip rolled his eyes and moved to sit beside the other man. “No one has to know.” He trailed his hand up Thomas’s thigh and fondled him through his breeches.

“Philip!” Thomas reached for his hand just as the carriage stopped. “Oh, thank god.”

“Damn.” The younger man muttered and reluctantly followed him out onto the sidewalk.

 

They were greeted by a formally-clad host who ushered them to one of the private rooms in the back. “I assume you want your regular table, Mr. Vice President.”

“Indeed, I do. Also, a bottle of your finest French wine.”

“Of course, sir.”

They were seated in a quiet corner and soon relaxed with endless courses of the tastiest delicacies and copious amounts of Burgundy wine.

Philip gazed at him and was pleased. The tension of the last few weeks seemed to disappear from his face. He looked like the Thomas he had first met. Radiant and happy. Talking animatedly and gesturing wildly with his hands.

Thomas swirled his wine in his glass and stared, beguiled and besotted, and noted how pink Philip’s cheeks were getting after his third glass of claret.

“So, what were you like back then?” Philip drawled out, head in one of his hands.

“Back when?”

“When you were my age.” Thomas looked at him in devilish merriment and Philip’s eyes glittered. “Were you as bad as I am?”

Thomas gave him a lascivious grin. “Oh… I was worse.” He chuckled softly. “So much worse.”

 

A tray of assorted desserts was brought to them and Philip put three of them on his plate. “You said you had something important to tell me.”

Thomas waved him away. “Later.”

“Oh, come on.”

Thomas shook his head. “Not here.”

“Ooo...” Philip looked up at him. “Is it that spicy?”

Thomas gave him a weak smile. “Afraid not.”

The younger man noticed some of the tension creeping back into Thomas’s expression “Is it bad?”

“Philip… let us just enjoy the present, all right?”

He narrowed his eyes. “Sure. Wouldn’t want to ruin our d—essert.” He dipped his finger in his custard and slowly licked it off his finger, staring at Thomas the whole time.

Thomas clenched his jaw and shifted his thighs, trying to ignore his impulses. He sank a small fork into a berry tart and focused on his plate.

 

When it seemed they could no longer eat another bite or take another sip, Thomas placed his linen napkin on the table. “I guess we should be getting home.”

“Home?”

“My office.” Thomas corrected himself. “Your carriage is waiting there, perhaps we could even walk. It is a lovely evening.” Philip agreed, grateful for the fresh air, and they strolled back. They nodded at a few pedestrians until they arrived at the quiet, empty avenue where Jefferson’s offices were. They seemed to be the only ones there at this hour; there weren’t many residences in this part of town. They got to the stairs and Thomas began to walk the extra block to where Philip’s carriage was waiting. Philip grabbed his hand however and pulled him into the darkened doorway. He kissed him hastily and Thomas pulled away. “Philip, we can’t.”

“Oh, come on, there’s no one here. This side of town is practically deserted by sunset.” Philip leaned in closer again and Thomas took a step back. Philip smiled. “What? Still scared of being seen with me? You just took me out to the most expensive restaurant I’ve ever been to. I’m sure we raised many eyebrows.” He gripped the lapel of Thomas’s coat and brought his lips to his own again.

“Philip… please don’t.”

“Why? You want me to remain your naughty little secret forever?” He laughed louder this time and placed another crushing kiss on the older man’s mouth.

“Philip STOP!” The younger man pulled away instantly and looked up at him. Thomas had never raised his voice to him before. His tone immediately softened, and he looked defeated. “I’m sorry. It’s just not the right time.”

“What’s going on?” Philip tried hard not to let his voice crack. “You haven’t been yourself for weeks. And now you’re treating me to dinner? And yelling at me? Tell me what’s happening.” The older man had been staring down at the cobblestone. “Thomas?” The name quivered out of his throat and when his lover finally looked up, Philip could see there were tears in his eyes. Philip stepped closer and caressed his face with his fingertips. “Whatever it is you can tell me. I promise.”

 

Thomas’s face was somber.  He took one of Philip’s hands in his own and kissed the younger man’s knuckles.  Philip looked at him quizzically. Thomas stared back at him, trying to drink in every detail of his perfect face. He let his long fingers comb through his lover’s dark curls, savoring their satiny texture and the warmth of Philip’s cheek against his palm. He kissed his forehead tenderly and Philip nuzzled his neck, kissing Thomas under his chin.

“I suppose there is no good time to talk about this.”

“Talk about what?”

Thomas heaved a big sigh. “Alright then.” He cleared his throat, stalling for another moment. “Philip…” he took a step back so he could look him in the eyes. Those eyes. Like glimmering sea glass. Framed by those long, dark lashes. Damn, did everything about him have to be perfect? What was he going to say again? Oh right. “I have thought long and hard about this. I fear this country cannot wait for me to help. It needs me.”

“I agree.”

“It is time.”

“Time for what?”

“Well… I have… uhh… Philip, I am running for president again.”

“Really? That’s wonderful! You have a great chance of winning this time. I’ll do whatever I can to help.  I mean, Father may not be too happy about that but-“

“Philip.”  Thomas’s face was devoid of any excitement; it was downright miserable.  “You are right. I have a good chance of winning.  But only if…”

“If what?”

Thomas took a deep breath. He knew once these words were spoken, it would change everything. “If there is nothing scandalous to keep me from victory.”

Philip felt his stomach lurch. “You mean me.” He brushed Jefferson’s hands away from his face. He wouldn’t want the other man to feel how hot his cheeks were anyway.

“Philip, there is no need for theatrics. We both knew this couldn’t last forever.”

“You were fine with this lasting until I might get in the way of something better.” He clenched his jaw tight.

“Philip, things are happening now that cannot wait until it is more convenient to intercede.  There are pressing issues happening in this country that must take precedence over our little dalliance.”

“Little dalliance!?”  Jefferson winced at his own choice of words as the younger man shouted.  “That’s what you call this!?” Philip couldn’t help raising his voice.  “You’ve owned my heart since the night we met!”

Thomas closed his eyes and tried to think of something to say but not before Philip continued. “Father was right about you. You’re a snake. A liar. You’ve been lying this whole time to me. Pretending you had feelings for me. You were just using me! And for what? Revenge? To stoke your own ego? Was it just fun for you to toy with me? Or did you just not even care? So pretentious and preoccupied with only your wants and carnal appetite that you completely disregarded everything I felt for you?”

“Philip, please. None of that is true.”

“You know you and my father think you’re so different from each other but you’re not! You both are so concerned with your reputations and gaining even a modicum more of power that you don’t care how many people you hurt to get it. People who loved you.” Philip’s eyes burned and he pushed hard against the other man’s chest.

Jefferson caught his wrists in his long fingers. “Love? Come now, we never said those words to each other.” He cursed himself for saying that. As if words were of any consequence when their feelings were so apparent.

“Oh, just forget it! It doesn’t matter anyway. Spend all the energy you used to use fucking me into campaigning. Devote all the pretty words you once saved for me to debates and election promises. I hope your ambition keeps you warm.”

“Philip...”

“Oh, and don’t worry about me spilling our sordid little secret.  I would rather die than have people know I ever let anyone as vile and disgusting as you put their hands on me.” Philip spun around and ran down the stairs, disappearing into the shadows.

Thomas stood in the door frame and watched him go. “What have I done?” He whispered into the empty evening.

******************************

_A few months later_

“Mr. President.”              

“What is it, Jonathan? This is the 14th time you have interrupted me today. I didn’t send for you and I’m very busy as you can see.” Thomas gestured to the stacks of paper on his desk, all awaiting his perusal or approval or signature or damn, this whole presidential business was a damn never-ending mountain of responsibility.

“Sorry sir. I only thought you might want to send a letter to the Hamiltons.”

“The Hamiltons? Why the devil would I do a thing like that? I haven’t spoken with Alexander in months. And I have little time for personal correspondence.”

“I understand, sir. I only thought considering the circumstances a note expressing your condolences would be appropriate.”

“Condolences?”

“Well on account of their son.”

Thomas dropped his pen and stared at the young man. “Their son?”

“Yes, the eldest, Philip. He used to intern here, right?”

Thomas felt as though the floor had suddenly fallen out from under him. “Indeed, he did. What about him?”

“Sir, he was killed yesterday.”

Jefferson felt his heart shrivel and drop and struggled to speak. “What are you talking about?”

“Philip... he got himself killed in a duel. They say he passed away after 13 hours fighting for his life. Damn shame. Only 19 years old. Whole life ahead of him.”

Thomas barely contained his shock and horror.  “Oh. That is… terrible news. I- I will get started on a letter right away. Please. No visitors. I want to be alone for the rest of day. I’ll need some quiet and solitude to craft such a heart wrenching missive.”

“Of course, Mr. President.”

His aide closed the door and Thomas was thankful no one could see his face morph into a mask of sorrow. His hands shook. Words took a long time to emerge. Shoulders tremored with silent sobs.

“Philip...” he whimpered. “My sweet beautiful prince.” He felt sick. He poured himself a large, strong glass of cognac. He sank back in his chair and stared across the courtyard at his former offices where he would gaze adoringly at Philip whispering sonnets in his ear. “My love… why?” He didn’t even realize he had been crying until his cheeks burned with the salty tracks of his tears.


End file.
